Doggerel
Kevin Langdon
If you think that death's a joke
You'll be sorry when you croak.
Go to hell and stay there, too;
The Devil's got plans for people like you.
It's too late to impeach Earl Warren.
It's too late on account of he's dead.
It's too late to impeach Earl Warren,
So let's piss on his tombstone instead.
Roses are blue.
Violets are green.
I'm color-blind,
If you know what I mean.
Life Is Like Bridge
Life is like bridge
And you're always the dummy.
Don't you wish life
Were more like gin rummy?
Because I Told You Not To
(a "pyramid poem")
O no!
You have eaten fruits unknown,
Strictly forbidden,
Absolutely interdicted.
Condemnation:
Forever-exiled peregrinations.
I am sometimes full of poop,
Remains of ham and chicken soup.
And there is nothing wrong with that.
When I was full of shit I shat.
Humans live in foolish dreams,
Pretend to row down mythic streams.
When I see you've bought this lie,
I kindly poke you in the "I."
Early to bed and early to rise
Makes a man narrow; try that on for size.
There's also some strategy; using your head,
Observe you grow sluggish with time out of bed.
(That's once you've had coffee and been to the john.
Your engine is started. The cobwebs are gone.)
So if you get up early and I get up late
When we meet I may be in a much better state.
Stir Poem
Imposter,
Prime sot,
Most ripe--
So trip me.
Ode to a Psychiatrist
Life is ugly? Never mind.
Just take these pills and you'll go blind.
You say, "It isn't working, doc"?
We'll just give you a little shock.
And if that doesn't make you sane
We'll just chop off part of your brain.
Whose woods these are I think I know
For here the rangers run the show.
Or so they'd like to think, because
The scepter's held by other paws.
The noble lion's mightly roar
Terrifies the elk and boar--
But here this writer, for one, reflects,
What kind of king eats his subjects?
The lion's big and fierce and tough;
He's proud and regal, takes no guff.
He lords it over birds and bugs,
But he's no king; he's just a thug!
There is another animal
Who's strong and tough but he's a pal
To the deer, the fox, the hare.
The king of beasts: he is the bear.
U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Jingo all the way.
Oh, what fun it is to ride
While others have to walk.
I grew up black, I don't know jack,
I hate everybody who don't share my lack.
I ain't got much g, you see,
And it pisses me,
Them white guys' cash, so I wanna smash
They faces while I'm talkin' trash.
They say rap is crap and then they slap
Some homey wit' a backwards cap,
Just becuz he don't obey da fuzz
And he full of hate for those who was
In bed wit' the man, like the faggot clan,
Suck his dick you don't make the can.
I'm sexually obsessed, I'm possessed.
I see a ho and I grab her chest.
She betta not resist or twist
Or I'm gonna break her dainty wrist.
When I want to fuck I don't need no truck,
Cuz rape is makin' yo' own luck.
I'm ebonic, quadraphonic,
Shootin' up that fine rage tonic.
When I hopped up I disrup'
Whitey's party and then I whup
His effete, discrete, get enough to eat
Pussy ass and that's mah treat.
Everybody know she was just a ho
But here I'm sittin' on death row.
What I got to lose? Might as well use
Any drug that help confuse.
I don't want to see that what happen to me
Is jus' what it deserve to be.
So fuck you all shoppin' at yo' mall,
You think you betta till you take a fall.
I'm just a nigga, go figga,
Why you 'spose my dick is bigga?
I be sittin' in a cage, at my age,
But whitey can't take away my rage.
I'm gonna kill a guard, it ain't that hard,
To jump over the wall of the prison yard.
When I get out I'm gonna shout
"Kill whitey!" and there ain't no doubt
I'm gonna get away, like O.J.,
And golf and smoke weed every day.
Evil Bunnies
Evil bunnies tell a lie;
Easter eggs aren't laid by them.
Captive chickens force-fed dye--
That's their clever stratagem.
The Christian God
The Christian God is full of love.
He reigns in heaven up above.
If you're not full of love as well
Then you, my friend, can go to hell.
Plague of Allegiance
I pledge allegiance to the flag
(Cause other countries are a drag)
Of the United States of America,
Which is on the verge of hysteria,
And to the republic for which it stands
(Like fireworks and marching bands),
One nation, under God
(It isn't the other way round, you clod!),
Indivisible
(Prime, unfissible),
With liberty and justice for all
Robber barons and swindlers--what gall!