Horrid Nursery Rhymes
Old King Cool was a merry old fool
And a merry old fool was he.
He called for his pipe and he called for his bowl
And he got so stoned he couldn't see.
Pee's porridge hot,
Pee's porridge cold.
I can see that you're Polish
Though I haven't been told.
Little Miss Moilet
Sat on the toilet,
Eating her turds away.
Out came a gallstone
And fractured her jawbone,
And so she had nothing to say.
Mary had a little lamb
Until it got the chair.
Now Mary's got a lot of wool
All kinked like nigger hair.
Old Father Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get his poor dogs some honey.
But when he got there
The cupboard was bare
Except for all his money.
Tom, Tom, the piper's son
Kissed the girls and away he'd run.
Sometimes more than just a kiss--
Now poor Tom's got syphilis.
Frumpty Dumpty sat in the mall.
Frumpty Dumpty had a great Fall.
She had a great Winter, Spring, Summer, and now
She's ruined her credit, the stupid old sow.
Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
It doesn't, asshole.
Three little kittens had lost their mittens
And didn't know where to find them.
Leave them alone and they'll come home,
Wagging their tails behind them.