Jokes

Redneck

 

A Kentucky Phone Company was going to hire a team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two rednecks and a team of two Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will install poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job". Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Bubba and Duke, the redneck guys came back and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" Bubba, the team leader wiped his brow and sighed, "Duke and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!" "Yeah," said Bubba, "but you should see how much they left stickin' out of the ground!"

A couple of rednecks decided that they wanted to go on a safari in Africa. They had some money so they booked passage to the African jungle, outfitted themselves for hunting big game, with guns and packs and dogs, and hired several black porters to carry their stuff. Because they didn't know their asses from two holes in the ground, they soon got themselves completely lost and eventually they found themselves in the middle of the Sahara desert. It was 130 degrees F. in the shade, but fortunately they'd brought plenty of water. However their food supply soon ran short and after a couple of days of wandering around in circles they'd completely exhausted their supply. After another day or two they were starving and they decided that the only way they'd be able to survive was to kill and eat one of the black porters, which they did. But they were still hopelessly lost in the trackless sands and a day later they had eaten all they could and the corpse of the porter was rotten and inedible. In another day, it was obvious that they were in the same situation they'd been in before, so again they killed and ate one of the black porters. This went on until all the porters were gone. They were still lost and starving, so one of the rednecks turned to the other and  said, "Well, I guess we'll have to eat one of the dogs now."

Two Sourthern farmers were talking at the fence between their fams. One of them said to the other, "There was a big crash on the road next to my field yesterday."
"What happened?" asked the other farmer.
"Two busloads of niggers ran head-on into one another. There was niggers all over the road."
"What'd you do?"
"I buried them all with my tractor."
"Were they all dead?"
"Well, some of them said they wasn't . . . but you know how niggers lie!"

 

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